a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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