I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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