Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize