I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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