Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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