i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
