omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
