about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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