College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
