I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
