i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
