So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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