Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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