I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
