Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
