tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
