Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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