I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
