I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
