Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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