seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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