She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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