Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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