She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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