my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
