Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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