Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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