There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
