Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
