Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
