If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
