Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My vagina is very pro this idea
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
