We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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