Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
