so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
