put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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