I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
