conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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