he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
