so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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