Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
