She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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