I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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