So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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