moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
