Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
