You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
