I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
