apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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