booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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