This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
