if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
