We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
