I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
