Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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