I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
