is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
