i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
