He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
