If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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