Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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