Pants 0. Shit 1.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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