watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I wish there were birth control emojis
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
