i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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