Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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