my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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