his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
