arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
