Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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