I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She told me I should be a condom model.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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