Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
