It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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